Mastering Med School and Personal Life: Proven Tips for a Balanced Journey

Managing Meaningful Relationships

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single med school student, in possession of a good fortune (of knowledge), probably has no time for a spouse (or partner, or friends.) Stuck in the violent whirlwind of assignments, tests and OSCEs, it is only natural to isolate ourselves from our non-medical peers and focus all our attention on the never-ending tasks at hand. After all, it is an understood notion that the words 'med school' and 'social life' are, more often than not, mutually exclusive.

However, the years pass in a blur, and it's only after you graduate and are standing on the precipice of adulthood that you look back and realize the one thing you missed out on all these years: human connection. From the day you enroll, the trajectory of your life has been more or less pre-determined. If you think "I'll study hard these 5 years and then party," please think again, because it only gets harder from here onwards.

Whilst it is no secret that med school demands a real sacrifice of one's time, it is important to remember that there is more to life than just studying. You see, it's not just these few years that are tough. Medical is one of those careers in which the hustle never ends. So at some point, you're going to have to ask yourself: For how long am I going to deny myself a very basic human need? This realization hit me during 2nd year when I ended up missing my grandmother's funeral because I had a test the same day and it ran late. Of course in hindsight, I should have missed the test, but in 2nd year I was an overachiever and couldn't risk my overall percentage dropping.

That was when it really hit me: med school is not worth sacrificing such moments for, nor is your lack of sacrifice going to significantly alter your future as a doctor (because even if I had missed that exam and lowered my percentage, it wouldn't have changed much.) You will graduate, and you will become a doctor. But along the way, it is also important to not miss out on the people who may no longer be there by the time you're ready to communicate with fellow human beings.

So, how does one manage to balance meaningful relationships with med school? The key is efficient time management, and knowing when to prioritize what. There is a quote by Nora Roberts that really resonated with me. When asked how she juggles work and kids, she replied that "the key to juggling is to know that some of the balls you have in the air are made of plastic and some are made of glass." If a plastic ball falls (be it work-related or family-related), no big deal. But if a glass ball shatters, it is irredeemable. The trick is to figure out which balls are plastic, and hence can be easily dropped, and which balls are made of glass.

By prioritizing work glass balls (an important annual exam, an internship, a vital lecture that won't be repeated again) over relationship plastic balls (a casual hangout which can easily be rescheduled, a night out drinking which will make you miss an important lecture, staying up late on the phone), you can ensure that you don't cause any damage to your career. Similarly, by prioritizing relationships glass balls (a friend who is upset and needs a shoulder, wedding celebrations, a funeral) overwork plastic balls (lectures which can be rescheduled, a test which has no lasting repercussions on your overall grade, studying extra hard whilst aiming for a distinction), you can ensure you don't damage your relationships.

The key here is to know which balls are glass, and which are plastic. As a rule of thumb, anything which will alter the course of your career (failing an annual example, for example) is a glass ball. Similarly, when it comes to relationships, anything that will cause regret when you look back after a couple of years (like missing a funeral of a loved one, or not being there for a friend when they really needed you) is a glass ball.

Of course, given the undulating and harsh terrain of med school, it will be hard to implement this in reality. There will be times when you have to choose between two glass balls (a friend who needs comforting over something tragic, and an important exam that's coming up), and the correct decision will vary according to the situation. During times like these, you really need to ramp up your time management skills. For example, in the above given hypothetical scenario, you can take out an hour for the friend, and switch to a call instead of texting (as more can be conveyed over a call in less time.) To make up for the missed hour, you can stay up an extra hour studying, or adjust it somewhere else in your study schedule (taking my book to the toilet with me has saved me a lot of time in the past.)

Obviously, no one expects you to perfectly balance the two. Sometimes your career will suffer, and sometimes your relationships will. What is important is to realize that you have to at least strive for that balance. In the first year or so of med school, your instinct will be to leave off everything that isn't related to the field of medicine and prioritize your career over everything. As understandable as that sentiment is (due to the years of hard work that went into securing your admission into med school), the sooner you find the flaw with that thought process, the better.

Because, as I previously said, this is the beginning of the rest of your life, and it certainly doesn't get any easier. Once you form the habit of prioritizing work over relationships at every given instant, it would not only cost you your loved ones in the longer run, but the habit itself will also be hard to break. It is vital to remember that our careers, whilst a very important part of our lives, are not our entire life. As for med students and future doctors, trying to find a balance between work and relationships will be one of our greatest struggles. But it is important that we do find that balance, because, as Dean Ornish accurately observed: "The need for connection and community is primal, as fundamental as the need for air, water, and food."

Finding Love in Medical School

Before you start yelling 'in other news, pigs can fly!' allow me to explain my story. Yes, I know that med school is incredibly stressful and draining, it is almost tantamount to going through hell and back and the incredible workload really sucks out the joy from one's life. The constant pressure, deadlines and long work hours leave behind hardly any time to socialize, let alone date. Trust me, if I can make it out of med school with both a degree and a wife, then so can you!

Work on Your Relationship with Yourself First

I cannot possibly overemphasize the fact that more often than not, people rely on love from another person whilst simultaneously being deeply resentful of themselves. I know it might sound cringe-worthy to 'love yourself first' or 'you can't love others unless you love yourself' but the fact of the matter is that no matter how cliche those lines might be, their underlying message holds true. No matter if you are on the lookout for a relationship or not, prioritize your mental health first.

Take time out for yourself and reflect upon your unresolved inner conflicts and/or latent emotions. Mindful meditation works wonders in this regard! You have to know yourself before you set out to know potential partners because if that becomes the case, you wouldn't even know what you want in a future partner. If the self-reflection and emotional management becomes too overwhelming, do not shy away from seeking the help of a therapist, that's exactly what they are here for!

Once I made peace with who I was as a person and accepted myself for all that I was and all that I was not, I started viewing fellow humans very differently and that perspective shift made it a lot easier for me to actually connect with people and have meaningful conversations.

Physical Exercise Does Wonders for You

Okay, I will spare you an excerpt from Men's Fitness and be real with you. No matter how hard you try to avoid the dreaded 'e word', you need it. Instead of reiterating old stories to you, I will tell you exactly what my personal experience was: When I started med school, I was so overwhelmed by the study hours and college demands, that I completely gave up working out. The exam stress got to me and by the time I was done with my annuals, I had gained over 10kg of body fat, taking my BMI close to 30! Not going to lie, my life was a mess. My sleep schedule was disoriented, my energy levels were at their lowest and my self-esteem had taken a huge hit since I could not fit into any of my favorite clothes.

This was exactly the moment when I promised myself that no matter how busy I got with my studies, I would still keep at least 30 minutes every day for physical exercise, be it cardio or weight training. Staying true to my promise, 6 months later and voilà! A much healthier me with a BMI of 22, fixed sleeping pattern and with unprecedented energy and confidence levels was making all the heads turn. The short yet daily workouts not only gave endorphin rushes on a regular basis but they also greatly boosted my self-image and overall health. Words cannot do justice to how it felt when socializing wasn't a nightmare anymore and people actually had an interest in entertaining a confident me.

Get Out of Your Comfort Zone and Talk to People

You do not have to be the most loquacious guy out there or the class clown, but you should at least make sure that people view you as someone they would be comfortable talking to. And how do you do that? By getting out of your room/couch/library and going out in the open in the real tangible world. Yes, I know that social media exists and yes there is Tinder for easy hook-ups but the virtual realm can never serve as a substitute for actual physical encounters.

Join societies that your university has to offer, go to the party that everyone has been talking about, and most importantly, go say hi to that one person that you have been thinking about. The problem that I have seen often manifest in med students is that since they are so time-tied, they make little to no time for gatherings, meet-ups and other social interactions whilst somehow believing that 'love will come find them' when they are in their PJs completing an assignment.

Get out of your comfort bubble and start having actual conversations with people that intrigue you. When I got over my initial fear of being dismissed and started talking to people who caught my interest, I was amazed to see the results. This little habit of striking up conversations with people that I met paved the way for great friendships and also opened the door for meeting my wife. When I saw her reading a book that I really liked, I knew that I had to talk to her about it or else I would lose that moment.

Always Choose Meaningful Conversations Over Small Talk

To set the record straight, this piece of advice doesn't mean that you stop greeting people, sending your regards or stop talking about the weather with the kind old man that you meet on the campus, but it rather means that when you are genuinely interested in someone, choose the quality of the conversation over the quantity. Being a med student does not afford you a lot of time and you cannot text someone 24/7 whilst simultaneously balancing your academics.

What you can do is that when you make time to meet that one person over coffee on the weekend, try to actually know them. Don't just ask them about their favorite books/songs/movies/tv-shows but dig a little deeper and ask why that is the case, go into the 'whys' of everything to understand them better: their happiest memory, their proudest achievement, their greatest strength and the likes. Having such meaningful discourse will not only acquaint you a lot better with the person that you are interested in but it will also let the other person know that you are not the regular superficial person.

Talking to the girl that I liked about her favorite books and why she ranked them as her favorites opened up a whole new dimension of her personality which allowed me to understand how she thought and processed emotions and ideas. Getting to know someone on this level is much more profound than making small talk and acting cute (not that they're not important) especially when you are out looking for love.

With this, my service comes to an end. Keep in mind that these are not just 'quotes' and 'tricks' taken off the internet, these are the core lessons that helped me on a personal level to actually understand myself and those around me, with the end result being me finding love. These pieces of advice are by no means exhaustive and/or absolutist since every human being is unique and has their own way of perceiving things but these are what actually worked for me and afforded me happiness. So do try implementing them if you can and send a prayer my way if they work (which they will ;))!

Making the Most of Your Free Time

I briefly toyed with the idea of making this a gag blog, and just saying "Haha, what free time?" and ending it there. But for those of you who actually do have a few free minutes every day, you might actually find some of the things on this list helpful. So out of the kindness of my heart, I'll give you a proper list of helpful and fun things to do/Netflix alternatives with the little spare time you have in your busy schedules.

Part-Time Jobs

Because the academic stresses of medical school aren't tough enough, there's also the constant pressure of a constantly-growing debt looming over the four years you spend in medical school. The good news is, finding a part-time job could really make a difference to the latter issue; the bad news is, that same part-time job could also add pressure to the former issue, because it detracts from the time you have available to study. My recommendation is find a part-time job that allows you to relax and take your mind off medicine, which can act as part of your 'rest and relaxation time', while simultaneously mitigating some of that serious debt that just keeps accumulating. I currently work as a tutor and a line cook part-time, but it's really up to you to find a job that you can find yourself relaxed in.

Engaging in Research

If you have free time, and want to be productive with it, engage in some research. Ask your attendings/professors, pester your residents/tutors, cold-call any doctor that has ever been in the same room as you, to see if they have any projects that a medical student could hop in on. Not only is this one way to add to perhaps the most important part of your CV, but it's also a sure-fire way to grow your connections, which can only benefit you later on, whether it be in the form of a recommendation letter or further research opportunities somewhere down the line. Throwing yourself into research is the single most productive thing you can do with your free time.

Reading

Not into research? If you're happy to wait until later in your career to start researching, or if you're happy to be a career medical officer and never end up specialising, then another productive way to spend your free time is by just reading. It doesn't really matter what books you read, you're almost certain to derive some kind of benefit from it. I've recently been reading books on personal finance, because personal finance is one of those things everybody has to do but nobody really knows anything about. I just learned what things were tax deductible, and actually found out how super/a 401k works – all benefits I certainly wouldn't have gained if I had just stayed on TikTok or watched Netflix all day as I usually do.

Dedicated Relaxation Activities

Scheduling in relaxation sessions can be one of the best ways to spend your free time. If you have the funds, spend a dedicated weekend treating yourself with some retail therapy. If your thing is long walks or baths, make time for that. For me, I love binging content on Netflix (and now Disney+), but the problem is, I always feel the crushing anxiety of academic pressure nagging away at me while I sing along to 'Let It Go' for the fifth time in a week. I can't remember the last time I enjoyed my own personal free time the way normal people do, and chances are, neither can you.

Watching Netflix with a constant sense of guilt or finishing what was meant to be a relaxing walk with an overwhelming sense of regret isn't that conducive to relaxation – if anything, I feel more on edge because I feel as though I wasted a few hours not studying or being productive. By scheduling dedicated relaxation time, you can afford to forget some of your medical school problems because you've actually made a schedule for when you will deal with those problems later.

Regular Exercise

While I admit exercise as a mode of relaxation isn't for everyone, most people also dismiss it far too early. Most of my peers are simply too lazy to start running, so they brush off the possibility that exercising is something they'd be into. However, most people with established healthy habits will tell you that the first step is the hardest to take – once you (slowly) start to build up a routine, exercise is a natural and automatic thing, and becomes one of the best ways to unwind after a stressful day, something that is sorely needed in the hectic lifestyle of a junior doctor.

Start a Journal (or a Blog!)

In previous blog posts, I've established that reflection is a critical component of success in medical students. One of the best ways to get started on that journey of ongoing self-appraisal and self-improvement is to start a journal. If you're comfortable airing your thoughts out in the public eye, you can turn it into a blog as well. Essentially, the simple act of writing down your thoughts helps you better understand yourself and your needs (and perhaps your weaknesses too). It also allows you to come back to your thoughts later, and appraise them from a more neutral standpoint, removed from the events or emotions that moved you to write that particular entry, which is a key component of appraising your own perspectives and shortcomings. Starting a journal is simply the easiest way to remain reflective and to practice contentment.

Pick Up Some Hobbies

In yet another callback (the self-promotion never ends), one of my other previous entries outlined some hobbies that helped me in medical school. Certain hobbies help you develop transferable skills that can make your medical school journey just that little bit easier. For me, drumming helped me develop rhythm and a keen ear that helped with cardiac auscultation; drawing helped me come up with my own memory palaces/image mnemonics to help with tricky memorisations; and tutoring helped me develop an almost unlimited patience that has helped improve my bedside manner and my ability to just put up with other medical students in general. Picking up any hobby can not only help you destress and take your mind off medicine, but can also help develop some nifty skills to help you in your medical career as well.

Make Time for Friends

The people you surround yourself with really do determine the kind of person you become. While you're probably older than ten and are no longer in your formative years, your friends still have the ability to influence you. It might very well be too late to fix your pessimistic attitudes or your edgy sense of humour, but having friends who know you well will form a powerful support network that can help you when you need it most. Investing in your relationships is one of the most powerful things you can do to make yourself a better person and a safer medical practitioner, because knowing you have the safety and security that comes with a good support network can make you a more confident and self-assured doctor. If you only have a few minutes in your overwhelmingly busy day, give one of your friends a phone call; if you have a few hours, grab a coffee with them.

While this is certainly not an exhaustive list of things you can do with your free time in medical school, it certainly does provide a list of good alternatives to your usual routine. I have found myself benefiting from trying all of these activities on this list, so I challenge you to have a go at just one of them (not the Netflix one, that doesn't count), and see if that makes a difference in your life. Be sure to let me know in the comments if it does!